Unimaginable

From the time you find out you are pregnant, things become unimaginable . You run through your head so many ideas and worries you can’t seem to silence them. Then enters the newborn stage. When are they going to get to sleep? Are they going to lock on? How much sleep or shower can I get or do what I want to do? What if in their sleep they stop breathing? What if I have been incorrect with swaddling them? Will it cause confusion if I offer them a peacemaker? There is a very infinite list on this one.

Then they become little children and begin to develop their own way of doing stuff. When you offer them an orange cup, they sometimes shout. Sometimes in the grocery store they put tantrums. Can we ever eat in a restaurant or go publicly anyway? Why can’t they’re only coherent once!!!

I’m still working on the concept of unimaginable. It sometimes works to repeat the mantra “they’re only children. I’ve got to lock myself in my wardrobe other times. I also want to remember that, although my feelings are enhanced by anxiety, I don’t want only my kids to behave publicly and many of the problems I had as newbies with them are things that all mothers face.

Chekcsmith

I’m the first person to confess that I am a checksmith. I like stuff to go like I want it to, but who isn’t?? Perhaps it’s a result of being a single kid, or perhaps only hardwired in my DNA. In any case, being this way is irritating. It puts many stuff in the manner and prevents me from living the best of my life.

It caused anxiety.

They now have their own concepts of how to do things, many of which turn my eyes  and sweat me cold. They’re older. They’re incorrect? No. No. They’re doing things in a way I don’t.

I understand those stuff we all experience as mothers, but these situations become more noticeable when you are anxious. Nothing’s worse than any other moms, I’m not saying. Without anxiety, I wish I could just parent. And I want you to know if you’re in my boat that you aren’t alone.